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My grandma went Home last week.
It was an emotionally-full, physically-tiring week that felt accelerated by my girls getting sick, and getting off to the funeral one day in order that I could be home the next. Seventeen hours of driving, a funeral, grieving family, and sickness waiting at home packed into 38 hours...I'm just spent.
Seventeen hours of driving on my own provided me with much time of prayer. But oddly enough, I did not reflect much on what the passing of this amazing lady would mean for me. And so today, with most of the sickness behind me, and much rest caught up on, the reflection begins...and it comes in waves. Thinking about how her life wove into mine, the intangible things I inherited from her, how her passing affected so many people who loved her...and how I hope I am like her one day.
Grandma was funny, feisty, opinionated...very opinionated, young, beautiful, and godly. She is a reason I am who I am today. As a young wife, she heard a sermon on the radio and gave her life to Christ. And a year later my Grandpa came to Christ. They raised a family of 8 as best they knew how. My dad went into the ministry in part because of her, and raised his own family of 4. I am not in ministry per se, but I love my Jesus and am passing on that love to my little family of 2.
She was short, like me. She sang alto, like me. She loved pretty things, flashy belts and fun shoes. ;o) Me too. She always knew where she stood on a matter, and sometimes to a fault would argue her position...I could stand to be a bit more courageous in some areas, and back down in some others. Grandma was never old to me, not even when I "grew up". She just always looked the same...until just a few short years ago. And when she smiled, her whole face would smile...her eyes, her mouth, each beautiful wrinkle in her skin. Her laugh was contagious. I can still hear it. Her sense of humor was not what one would expect from their grandma, she came out with some of the driest, funniest things. She was a pool shark, and lobbied for Senior Citizens rights at her state capital. She drove her car like a racer around those curvy rural Missouri roads. She was an independent lady, but fell in love again years after my Grandpa had passed...
The last time I talked to her on the phone, she was full of life and joy, and was wishing to see me & her new great-granddaughters. We never got down there...and I'll always be sad about that. I was rummaging through some photo albums and came across a picture from our wedding. I teared up right away. I looked at it and thought: That's my Grandma. She was so happy that day. Happy for me. Celebrating with me. There for me. What else could one ask for? She loved me...even if I didn't get down to see her often, even if she wasn't able to meet my family. She loved me and was there when she could be.
If you know me well at all, you know that music is a language that speaks deeply to me. I get lost in the longing chords of a double bass, and reflective in the expressive tones of a voice. I have listened to "For Always" by Josh Groban about 100x since Grandma left this place...it's two phrases that get me every time...
"I close my eyes, and there in the shadows I see your light..."
and
"For always and ever, you'll be a part of me..."
She will always be a part of what makes me me. I'll close my eyes and see that face...and I'll forever be thankful for the amazing woman that God chose to put in my life.
